i don't have the energy and the time to create a new blog. so i just changed the address for awhile. my mom accidentally found out about my blog. she got to read the part where i said how mean my bf was i mean "is". too bad she hasn't met him yet...now she wouldn't even want to meet him. i really don't blame her actually.
my bf's not as uncool as he was last week. but there are times he'd be his selfish self which i'm getting used to. like today, i woke him up at 5am and guess what he placed his cellphone downstairs while he was sleeping upstairs...and he was the one who asked me to wake him up. i had to call about 10 times before he picks up. he absolutely has no consideration...none at all.
then today, he told me he still didn't have the money for his visa and he might be leaving soon coz he was asked to report to the office tomorrow. if he hadn't been that mean to me, for the past few months...i would've find a way to lend him that money. anyway, it's not that expensive. but right now, i have no plans of even moving a finger to help him. bearing with him is enough.
i just wish he leaves before xmas. i know it's so cruel but i don't want to spend xmas worrying i'll loose my monster bf the next day. at least when he's gone before xmas, there's nothing i can do about it anymore...so i'll just have to enjoy xmas as i usually do...WITHOUT HIM!
2 years ago, i went to paris without a jacket of my own. i borrowed my mom's leather jacket which is as useless to the cold climate as a handkerchief on a snow. aside from that i look shabby in it since it was 2 sizes larger.
i was lucky that the people i met in paris, lent me their coats and sweaters. ate cherry (the one who let me stay in her house for a whole year) even got me new ones. i was indeed very lucky. later on when i had the money, i bought my own coat from gap. i thought, if those people who hardly knew me, could give me a hand when i need it, what more with someone i love...inspite of everything.
my bf, proudly says he'll be fine going abroad since he has a leather jacket already. i said the same thing before...and i was freezing and leather jackets were no use. today, i gave him my gap coat. it brings back a lot of memories...as i have worn only that jacket all-throughout my stay there. it has been with me on my way to school, my first snow, my weekend jobs in montmartre, my side jobs. It saddens me to let it go. Anyway, i have no use for it now...it'll be better off with someone who needs it.
Sometimes, i couldn't believe the things that i do for love. A few days ago, i was complaining how horrible my bf is...and how terrible he makes me feel at times. And now, i'm saying that i'm giving him one of my most sentimental stuffs.
Actually, i don't want HIM (the guy up there) to think that i forgot how much blessings he gave me when i needed it most. I would never forget every single nice people who crossed my path and lent me a hand even if i was a stranger to them. I would never forget to return that favor to anyone who'll need it as well.
sigh! i'm really gonna miss that coat. i'm not even sure if i'll see it again.
lately i've been having several fights with my bf and he has been so tiring already. I tried to keep my distance from him...but i can't break up with him. I really don't know if it's love or i'm just not ready for another break up. To tell you honestly, i've gotten fed up with breaking up, meeting someone new, adjusting, being in cloud nine for awhile then these nightmares.
well, what my bf fought about was that he was acting such a VIP. first, he didn't want to enter this party we had to attend. he asked me to go by myself while he waited till he overcome his shyness outside. i thought that was lame and i got annoyed. i told he shouldn't have come if he was THAT shy. i even walked out and i was really determined to take a cab and go home. But i was just afraid of offending the host of the party since he saw me there already. FIGHT # 1
FIGHT #2...that same night. it hurts me to write the details so i'll leave it just as that
i really feel bad about this relationship...my friends are starting to get worried. they even texted me everyday...which they don't normally do, just to make sure i hadn't killed myself yet.
My friend madge, even said...i'm not the type to cry over a guy. how come i just don't dump my bf like i used to do with my ex's when i'm bored with them already.
I don't know as well. This depression state has been going on for ages now. i don't know if i'm waiting for a sign, for him to leave the country (he'll be leaving dec. 27) or for him to dump me first. I've tried several times to break up with him, but we always end up getting back.
Our last almost breakup was a disaster. i told him, i'm fed up already and i want to break up with him. He said he won't let me do it and just kissed me. He said i'm probably just tired but he wouldn't let me break up with him. The truth is i feel that i really love him...but how come i'm this sad? This reminds me of my first relationship. Even though, the guy is such a loser, since he's my first...i was so in love with him and i ended up so pathetic. I hope i won't end up like that again. sigh!
I'm really tired everyday, it's like running two jobs. but anyway, i just wanna blog about my lovelife which is nearing its extinction..."isa na lang talaga!"
We're having our xmas party early and my bf says that he'll pick me up from the party. Haller his place is like an hour from the party while my place is just 20 mins away. Besides, i can go home by myself...so i told him, "hwag na...kaya ko nmn." He got upset (he admitted this MINUTES later) coz he thinks i don't want to see him or something. But really, i don't want to be such a hassle...i'm not like most girls...i'm so independent.
So anyway, he started ignoring me again and said that he wouldn't pick me up if i don't want to. But he has this look and you know there's something wrong. When i asked him why he's mad he kept insisting that he's not...and yet he's so masungit and suplado the whole time.
I lost my appetite and stopped eating. Then we left the restaurant. I started crying. I can't believe how such a simple thing goes into a fight...i mean it's just that i happen to be capable of getting home myself, what's wrong with that?!!!
He kept insisting he's not mad and all that. Then how come he looks so pissed off. I hate this guy for denying his feelings all the time and making it appear that i was imagining things. He even said things like "you're such a kid"...really, if i really am i would've kicked your ass a long time ago. I sincerely wished he'd leave the country and never come back again.
He said his lame sorry and said goodbye, since we're both late for work already. I just nodded...then continued feeling sad as i walk the street. I kept asking myself, if this is karma? am i that bad? i mean, i did everything for this guy...i even mellowed down my temper for him and still this is what i get in return.
Before i reached my office, he called me twice to apologize. saying he just got upset that i don't want him to pick me up when i'd be going home late. i don't want any fights anymore so i said "yeah, it's ok" and "love you too"in my most mono tone voice.
after work he called me again to say he's home already. I really don't care where he is at the moment. anyway, what he said kinda touched me a bit. he said "mhl, i'm really sorry about knina...i know you're still mad." i thought i was acting well enough. anyway, i admitted i still felt bad about it. I told him, "bawasbawasan mo nmn kasungitan mo." i'm not THAT mad anymore...but i really don't like him right now."
ok got to go, i have to giftwrap some presents. just want to get this out of my system. goodnight. ciao!
